When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
