Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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