somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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