Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
