My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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