im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
