We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
