he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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