I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
