he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
