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  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

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• You were probably able to log on to chatroulette last night.

  Submitted by maskedman on Mar 15, 10 at 4:25pm

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• You just thought it was symmetrical cause you were wasted.

  Submitted by Yocheckitout on Mar 15, 10 at 5:08pm

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• I stopped reading after can opener....

  Submitted by Rubes_Carnies on Mar 15, 10 at 4:24pm

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  • Ha ha!

    Submitted by styx on Mar 16, 10 at 4:26am

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• Dirtysanchez: contrary to popular belief, many people have 'retained the ability' to speak elequently and coherently in text messages, enhancing the effects of dry humor and sarcasm. \n\nSo suck it.

  Submitted by shesakillerqueen on Mar 15, 10 at 7:26pm

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• English major?

  Submitted by Singingflame on Mar 16, 10 at 2:31am

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• Man Mondays blow is a little sour puss. Always with the negativity

  Submitted by DJhallapapi on Mar 16, 10 at 2:29am

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• I like symetry

  Submitted by mav69r on Mar 15, 10 at 6:54pm

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• Shesakillerqueen: You obviously aren't one of those people you fucking idiot! You spelled eloquently wrong. You're just a cumguzzling dirty hermaphrodite.

  Submitted by dirtysanchez on Mar 16, 10 at 5:17pm

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• hahahaha

  Submitted by katielatie835 on Mar 15, 10 at 4:54pm

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• I like dick pics!!!!

  Submitted by delakeeg on Mar 15, 10 at 7:05pm

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• No guy calls it a penis in a text. It's a cock or a girl wrote it.

  Submitted by missm06 on Mar 15, 10 at 5:55pm

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• God damn is matt like the filler name people use in texts now?

  Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Mar 15, 10 at 4:53pm

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• That was a penis pic? I thought it was a really ugly chic with a tic tac between her legs...

  Submitted by BukNasty on Mar 16, 10 at 3:02pm

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• Working a can opener is harder to do. Go fuck yourself

  Submitted by Anonymous on Mar 16, 10 at 7:51am

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• hahahaha

  Submitted by katielatie835 on Mar 15, 10 at 4:54pm

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• Suck a big one

  Submitted by plainwhitedee on Mar 15, 10 at 6:28pm

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• Who gives a shit whether he really wrote it all out, I want proof of the symetrical cock part.. Send to my email for further investigation ;) lol

  Submitted by dorkof82 on Mar 16, 10 at 8:47am

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• I know the feeling. And first

  Submitted by Anonymous on Mar 15, 10 at 4:24pm

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• Reppin the 513!

  Submitted by 5UPTOWN5 on Mar 15, 10 at 11:06pm

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• 8=====D O:

  Submitted by jessylm on Mar 17, 10 at 9:09pm

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• This is such fucking fake bullshit. No one writes out "retained the ability", "perfectly symmetrical picture", or "erect penis" in a text.

  Submitted by dirtysanchez on Mar 15, 10 at 6:02pm

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  • Stfu, not everyone writes like a lazy 12 year old in their texts.

    Submitted by TheBigDonkey on Mar 15, 10 at 8:26pm

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  • Some people can use their words.

    Submitted by etak1086 on Mar 16, 10 at 10:25pm

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