I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
