I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
