spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
two words: eviction party
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
