as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
