Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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