that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
