Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Randomize
