i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
