Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
