in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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