Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
