hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
