if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
