naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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