I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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