the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
