also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
