WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
