it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
