just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
