The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
