i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
