I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
