So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
