I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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