my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
