Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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