just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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