i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
