I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
