can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
