You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
