I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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