Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
