hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
