im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
