You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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