Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
