Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
